chasing dream or dream comes true?

for some people who knows me quite well..they just know exactly what im chasing for..or what im dreaming for..or what im trying to accomplish at..and what im about to share here is (well, at least im consider it as a..) further step to pursuing my dream..

so i dare myself to take this "leap of faith"..im still not sure how this going to end..its like, im still over the edge..either im going to jump, or step back, or worse, fall down..so today, i decided to make every google i need..

about a week ago, i met this girl, niven's friend, still dont know whats her name, she's exactly have the same situation with me, graduated in fashion design, me from esmod, and she's from la salle..wanted to take further study majoring fashion business..thank god i met her, so i know some ( important ) information..she's already went to LCF (london college of fashion) for a year, now..

so, here's the fact..we already had a degree in fashion design, so in fact that we wanted to take fashion business, we have at least through the college for another 3-4 years..all these years i thought im going to spend only 2 years to take Masters, i suppose..but considering that i have to spend another 3-4 years, so i rearrange lets say, my future..

her background reminds me that La Salle college also have a fashion business subject in their school..and back to my old purpose about going to school in france, and plus my big sister is going to married this august, so i was able to go back to college in the middle of next year..

so here's my best plan, with an option of course :

1. spending 1st year in la salle $ 6.210 / year

continuing 2 years in mod'art paris euro 16.520 / 2 year

with total expenses (school fees only) Rp 298.535.000

2. get my degree in la salle $ 12.420 / 2 year exclude the discount

get my bachelor in mod'art paris euro 8.260 / year

with total expenses (school fees only) Rp 237.760.000

3. 2 years in la salle $ 12.420 / 2 years

1 year in mod'art paris euro 8490 / year

1 year in British University euro 15.600 / year

with total expenses (school fees only) Rp 467.295.000

4. 2 years in la salle $ 12.420 / 2 years

2 years in mod'art paris euro 16.520 / 2 years

with total expenses Rp 357.530.000

5. 1 year in mod'art paris euro 8.490 / year

1 year in British University euro 15.600 / year

with total expenses Rp 349.305.000

here's the problem :

1. i already aks la salle, and they're willing to transfered my score to other college apart from la salle and marangoni, you can check the fees yourself in here. they're just totally non sense..!!maybe its easier for me if i go to marangoni itself, since la salle had a cooperation with marangoni..but the price..totally ridiculous..but im not sure if either mod'art or british university would accept a transfered-student..

2. the most important, did my dad could afford la salle, mod'art and BU..?la salle, maybe, mod'art, could be, but BU..??living cost in London such a money-sucker..!!dormitory would be my last option..and the flat or other lodgment they'll cost minimum 80ish pounds PER WEEK..!!with 80 pounds, i can get a room with water pipe on my ceiling..!!

3. option number 5..im still not sure is there really any kind of that programme..even if there's..im not sure either if im qualified..

here's the link about mod'art..

2010 resolution.

okay..maybe its kinda late to make 2010 resolution list..but its never too late to make a change, eh..??okay, so..its 2010, so at least i have to make 10 lists..

okay, here we go..10..its quite a lot number..there's so much things i like to accomplish in my life, actually..lets start from number one..

1. im definitely have to lose my weight..no matter how..im joining esmod with 43 kgs weight, and im graduated with 52ish kgs..wow!!esmod really does gives me soo much things..lol..

2. i have to make any kind of improvement either with my job life or school life..i mean..theyre both my dream..but i cant do both at the same time, right..?okay, maybe i can..i just have to figure out how..right now..im not even getting closer with both of them..ive already sending my resume like..more than 20 times..and im still not getting any closer..and about my school life..i have to let it go i guess..there's too much things gets in my way..tried to solve them, and another problem came..but this time..totally have no chances..

3. i started to become this impulsive buyer..and i dont want to become any like that..maybe i have a very high demand when it comes about shopping..shoes i mean..but lately its not only about shoes..its almost about everything..shoes, bags, clothes, accessories, beauty product, literally everything..and i have to stop it..!!i start buy things with someone else's money..gee..!!its definitely not me..!!dont know what possessed me..im really started to become a fashion freak..dont wanna be another becky bloomwood..gotta stop this immediately..or at least arranged it and use it more wisely..

4. im intend to get angry very easily these days..maybe im some sort of bored with my neighbors or my life..so i just simply blame on others..its not fair..but it just happend..maybe i have to start to hang out with friends more often..instead of stuck in the same room and situation all the time..i need to find a new routine..

5. basically, i never finished what i have started..in most of my private lesson or maybe course..i never technically finished it..it something i have to change for sure..so..yap..finished what ive started..

6. start to thankful for what i have now..technically im very very grateful for what i already have..but then im start to moaning..i really have to be happy for what i dont have and be thankful for what i have..

7. life is not easy..we all know it very nicely..and i just found out that its not always about what i like and what i want to do..maybe i have to do what i dont like to get what i like..life works that way right..??so, i have to do everything to get closer to my dream..and dont complaining too much..you're tired, he's tired, she's tired, everyone tired to hear my complain..

8. go green thingy.i have to support this go green things more seriously.which mean, totally no plastic bag if i go to supermarket, i have my own plastic bag and go green bag from aksara right?thats more than enough for a one day shopping..start to brings my own tumbler.. every-time..no more 24/7 air conditioning..(can i still have my christmas lamp on all the time?and lappie?)ill figure out later..

9. grow up! no more being childish and crybaby..!!its soo last year..try to focus on what happens and whats your aim..solve any problem instead of avoiding it..think more mature and wise..be more patient in facing cruelty of life..

10. open up myself and try to make a friend..really this time..dont being such a pain-in-the-ass..and maybe ill get along easily..^^

so, thats more or less my 2010 resolution..im really really going to working on it..not only i want everything get better, but also, i want to accomplish something in my life..

something that can makes my parents at least proud enough of me..its been years..and years..that i had filled with disappointment and empty hope..now its really time for me to show them something..shows them the result of their upbringing during my 22 years of life..

but, despite the whole resolution things..not to forget i also have a wish list..heheheh..

- start to saving for my own louboutin.

- find over-the-knee boots.

- get a new bag.

- have my hair dyed.

- participate in some fashion shows.

- decorating my room (hope ill get a new room this year)

- find myself a several nice blazers.

- buy a new shoes (what im expecting for the moment, zara, pull and bear, aldo)

- somehow, buy harman kardon soundstick II.

- freelancing as a make up artist.

- getting better with this blog thingy.

- start to make my own fashion blog.

- either get a job or go to school.

- being a fashion stylist or personal shopper or whatever.

wohooo..got so much wish-list-things..mostly about "beautiful garbage"..cant really avoid them, eh?

so..whatever will happen this year..please..let it happen..

fortune vs misfortune.

i was just thinking these days lately..am i fortune enough to live a life like this..??or am i lacking fortune so i cant live like another..??keep questioning that in mind constantly..barely know the answer, guess i just have to live with it..then i just find out im just too stubborn to giving up..i just keep thinking and thinking even more often..

some people may born with loads of fortune that lasts for life..and some may born with a little fortune that keeps them in track..and some just fortune enough to born in this small world..

considering to my statement above..everything that happens in this world is fortune..or maybe its more like, miracle..?well, one thing i know for sure, you wouldn't get a miracle if you weren't fortune enough..so, that is a yes..everything that happens in this world is fortune indeed..

i've noticed..that there are these few amount of people, who doesn't have to work their slacking ass off to even get what they want..they're just born..lucky! maybe its descended..i used to think..what so fun about it anyway..you can easily get what you want..there just no goals anymore..so what life's all about, if it wasn't to accomplish your dreams..your goals..technically, i lost my life..

i mean..look at these people..who thinks they were very lucky..they eat, they drink and get drunk, they club, they shop, they travel, they just have everything..literally everything..so whats next..?a total nothing..maybe they just too happy to live that they dont wanna go die..

but..there's also a few people who already very lucky, however they dont get snobby and still work their ass off..they club and shop for sure..but they're just not forget how to step on the ground..so here they go..become unbelievably lucky..end of story..

and there are these two kind of people, who lucky enough to born in this effing world..

first..people who were thinking, no matter what they do..they just born unlucky..so they're sort of minimizing any kind of effort to make them more prosperous..so what did they do..??utterly slacking their ass..

second..this people is the better version from the first one, i think personally..somehow some of these people maybe just realize that they were born unlucky..but it doesnt stop them to make a little difference in their life..they may feel hopeless sometimes..but then they just get right up, and they just DO..do, do, and do..and maybe even more better..perhaps their just too busy to DO so they dont realize..their life gradually changes..end of story..

besides those, there's still another one..people who lucky enough to keep them quite happy..and for these kind, they can go both, either become very lucky or unlucky..its depends in what did they do with their life..some might think, "im happy this way" and some might "i have to be better" somehow..its a great influence to their life..end of story..

now, which kind of people are you..??and which kind of people am i..??

but the real question is..

~ what is fortune..??and what is misfortune..?? ~

ZARA.

okay, im getting annoyed with this "barcode" problem..im getting tired with the metal detector rang whenever i passed thru..im getting irked watching people stare me aggravatingly..im getting sick when the security start to rummaged over my bag..

first my bag..solution solved, now my umbrella..great..!!i thought i was done with this metal detector problem..then, voila!!!no its not..!!

it's kinda odd, you know..when i complaining about this barcode problem to ZARA, instead of deactivated the barcode, they unofficially accused me stealing..!!they asking me for "the umbrella bill", so they can proceed the deactivating process..well..its been months when i bought that lousy umbrella..and it doesnt make sense for me to keeping the bill..i mean..what so important about it anyway..yet again..they still insist about the bill thing..and here come the supervisor..blah blah blah..the point is..they cant deactivated the barcode without the bill..silly right..??!! there must be some kind of data in their computer..ZARA aint a small company..why dont they do something with the computer, and just asking for me the bill instead..what a quirky..!! and the sales assistant told me that they cant change the umbrella without the bill..which i dont ask for it..i need them to deactivated the barcode on my umbrella, so when i passed the metal detector, it wont rang again..and again..and again..after awhile we struggling with this trivial clash and here comes the supervisor offering her generosity, and they made just it..!!the barcode is now inactivate...

not to forget, the supervisor advised me to keep the bill whenever i buy things at ZARA..maybe i should start to make a "ZARA's BILL ROOM"..

and guess what..yesterday..its start to rang again..what a pity..

here comes the annoying stare..!!!and thanks to ZARA..!!!

S.H.O.E.S

i love shoes..i just simply falling in love to shoes..i even thought shoes are better than a man..(sorry dear..hehehe..no heart feeling..^^ i still love you..!!)

best things about shoes:

1. doesnt matter how many pounds i gain or lose, in shoes, i always 38.

2. doesnt matter in which department i buy clothes, in shoes, i always 38.

3. doesnt matter what brand i wear, shoes can make it looks good.

4. man does hurt my heart, shoes only hurt my legs.

5. man makes me broke in a bad way, shoes makes me broke with satisfaction.

6. i can walk to a mall without a man, but i cant walk to a mall without shoes.

7. man brings me down, shoes brings me up.

8. when a man discredit you, just put the right shoes on, its simply heal

the wound.

9. when a man doubt you, shoes have faith in you.

10. a man cant complete you, shoes does, cause its lasting.

and so here i am..crazy to death with shoes..and when i buy the perfect shoes, im just thrilled like a child..so i keep buying and buying and buying..

i used to satisfies with 300k shoes, and now..im not even feels satisfied when i spent a million on shoes..i just want more and more and more..wondering how it ends like..

so, here's some of my shoes..

steve madden shoes, cost me around 1,5 million..

like the furry part..and its leopard!!!

yet, there's a promo buy one get one..!!

this is the free shoes!! worth it right..??!!!

pull and bear shoes, worth one million..

zip and unzip for a different style..like it..!!

Zara shoes, cost around 1,2 million..

12 cm stilletos, and you can wear it tightly..

most of it was rubber..

Guess shoes, bought it in singapore..

cost me SGD 90..

love the wooden heels..

Mee Too shoes..

this is my birthday present!!

like the rusty purple..

another Zara shoes..

worth one million..

Charles & Keith shoes..

cost around 400k..

made from glossy leather and velvet..

nice combination..

VNC shoes..

my sister bought the same style but with a different color..

cost me around 200k..

lol..very low-priced..they had a sale..

Charles & Keith shoes..

bought it in singapore..

cost around 400k..

unbranded shoes..

bought at citos bazaar..

only cost me 180k..

hahaha..

Custom shoes..

designed by me..

cost around 650k..

heel-less wannabe..

i lost the grey one..lol..both 15cm heels..

Custom shoes..

another 650k for this one..

another custom shoes..

means another 650k more..lol..

again..custom..

same prices..

takes time to wear this one..lol...

unbranded shoes..

i bought this ankle boots in germany..

cost around 20 euro..

cheap price for a local product..

Samuel & Kevin boots..

love this one..esp. when winter..

cost around 500k..

anti-slip..worth any weather..lol..

another germany shoes..

same prices..

so..that's some of my shoes..im still looking forward for another ankle boot at pull and bear..its not too expensive actually..but considering i have lots of giving-present-plan this year..its sort of out budget..lol..thats why i need more income..thats why im desperately need a job..lol..somehoew i have to start making my own allowance right..

dream job!!

after i got home from a christmas holiday trip, well guess again..i need to start to find a job..!!!again..rapidly this time..

i still stick with this job of my dream..i mean..im desperately dying to be a personal shopper, personal buyer, shopping assistant, you named it..i was always..always, like always..wanted to be one of those baddddllllyyyy, and not in a good way...

ive tried to googled any possible position i can work for..either individually or at department store, then i figured there's only one department store in jakarta, in indonesia i mean, has a personal shopper service which mean lacking of opportunity for me..and yet the dept store was harvey nicholes...which making it more great...!!!

i still try to send them the email though, hoping they'll call me..again..for "another" interview..hope they've not blackmailed me yet..lol..cause of the "paris" problem..lol..even if there's no longer available for the position im asking for, im hoping they'll offering me another position..well besides the junior merchandising..heheheh...

and yet, i sent an email to a several people i've known had a "potential" customer..lol..didnt hope much..but i wish there's could be any chance..ill take any chance, even the little one..

i pray hard for this..i still need to continue my lesson at ccf and wallstreet..and im about to taking the diving class..lol..

*crossing finger*