A Simple Confession.

As i growing old, i have to start making a decision for my own life, with some people keep supporting me, encouraging me and helping me to struggling through the cruelty of the world, of peoples..

And at some point, in some particular case..something reminds me about my past, what i have been through, what i have done, all the good and bad memories..i can't run away from my past nor my future..mayhap i never done anything "big" in the past, and mayhap i made loads of mistakes, hurting people i love and i don't..but i still got plenty of time to do something better than my past..

Natheless, i'm fully aware of the evolution that happens around me, how big the transformation is..and i always try to keep up..but deep down, i've always been the same person..i realize, i havent made plenty of changes..but i will keep working on it..

Frankly, after all this time, i still cant really tell, who my really friends are..or maybe, i dont even have one..okay, maybe i'm hang out, and socialize, meet new people..but i never really trust anybody, maybe i dont want to trust anybody..and i'm not good in keeping a relationship..

After all, im really comfortable with being alone..i'm really kind of the more "suffer-in-silence" type..i'm no good in expressing myself, explaining about how i feel..how i think, arguing, and any else..i'd rather to keep it to myself instead, hold my thought, and move on..it's not that i wanted to run away from all those nightmare..it just, i really thinks..no one's gonna understand it anyway, aside than that..every time i tried to clarified something, its always end up with misunderstanding, which make it more worst..

And it's been going for..20 years..??And i'm getting used to it..even the solitude is everywhere i look..doesn't mean i dont want to make a friends or something..i'm dying to have someone, i really can rely on, in good and in bad..someone i really can trust..but i guess i just dont know how..

I'm drown too far in this quietude..

C.