Sniveling.

So, i havent slept since last night..

I'm perfectly vigorous..

Even though i've spent all day long walking..

Non-stop walking..

Definitely walking..

And even i felt damn wearied on the way home..

I'm rapidly back to vivacious..

I tried to sleep..

So fuckin' hard..

But there was these bad imagination haunted me..

I feels time move so fast passing through me..

Bring me back to my childhood memory..

Where i dont have to worry about anything..

Where i dont have to worry about responsibility..

Where i can hug and kiss my dad so easily..

And now..

I'm looking at my dad yesterday..

Giving up my sister..

Trembles in his voice..

Caught my sister's teary eyes..

It really breaks my heart..

I'm was remembered about my youth-energetic-healthy-with-dark-hair dad..

And now..

I'm looking at someone..

With the gray hair on his head..

Coughing due to his sickness..

And talk with his almost-lost-voice..

Taking pills everyday..

Watching him grow old..

And what's he's love is being taken from him..

One by one..

He's not as spry as i used to remember..

When i had a wrestle with him at the dept store..

Watch people die..

Is easier..

Watching them growing old..

Is the hardest part of them all..

Seeing them unable to do things they loves anymore..

That is hurtful and heartbreaking..

Imagining to lose people i very very love..

Is terrifying..

Imagining to live without them..

Is made me lose my mind..

If i can have just one thing to ask..

"Can i freeze the moment, when we're smiling and happy?"

Love you Dad,

You're the best Dad ever..

I'm not gonna let you down..

With all my everlasting love,

Siska.