A Honeybee Sting.

While i'm waiting my room getting cleaned..I had this conversation, along with other short memories, that kept bothering me..and throb me, bit by bit..

As you know, and if you dont..im about to tell you..that i never really get along so well with my mom..and we're never agree in every aspects, we dont have the same concepts..and im constantly rebelling against her..Unlike my dad, we're have something in common..and he's not much of a talker as my mom..

And starting around 6 years ago, i dont know exactly when..there's a huge changement, that i dont even realize it..somehow, i just woke up one day, and everything is already changed..and become what i have going through nowadays..

My mom, used to be..very caring, forbearing, uncomplaining, and always, defensed us and stood for us, every time we're being punished..

And my dad, nobody..NOBODY..have enough guts to fight him back..not even enough to say 'no'..he's a very sturdy, hard, yet loving man..

Now, they're changed into its opposite..they're become very different, than what they used to be..Im not blaming my mom, for having a hard childhood or anything..i'm not blaming my dad either for being so persistent back then..

But, after all the fights i've heard and watch, and they had, and still have..i just can't bear to watch my dad refraining, and giving in..maybe its because i'm not used to watch him surrender and conceding..

I've watch my dad, works extra, extra, extremely hard..and being treated very unfair..he do whatever it takes, whatever he can do..to make us happy and have what we want, even when it's not important..

He works too hard, i can even see a clear black circle around his 'only and one' eye..i can see how fast he's falling asleep when he JUST laying down..

He's the only person who made me, made all of us..able to reached and accomplished what we have now..he fights himself and alone..through everything to accomplish what we have now...He made us the way we are today..He sent me to school, junior hi, senior hi, and ESMOD..ESMOD is not easy and simple..it costs him a lot..A LOT..it's really, really a lot..and now..La Salle..

Not only me, but my other two sisters as well..and also, there are also many people, whether he know or not..

He's my role model..He's the only reason to what i'm doing now and what i'm going to do..He made my dream bigger..He's the reason to what i want to accomplished in my life..

Note this; I will, i have, and i want to be able to pay him back, for whatever he have done and still do for me and my family, and other people as well, not through money, but by giving him happy and easeful time..i'm not promise to give the best, just happy and easeful..

Even a couple years ago, he started to planned and organized some stuff for us, so when he's gone, we're still able to have a proper life..

And there's also some case, when he said stuff like this; "udah, kamu cepetan kuliah, lulus, trus kerja..jadi daddy bisa cepet-cepet mati.." and "mumpung daddy masih hidup.." or "mumpung daddy masih bisa support kamu semua.."

Did he know, that it breaks my heart into a pieces..?Did he know, that it ruins my heart and my life..?Did he know, that i'm not ready and i can't stand to lose him..?Did he know, that i didn't know what am i supposed to do when he's gone..?i still need him, and i'll always need him..

You really are the best dad in the universe..!!

C.